Confession Time...

I would say this pretty much describes the past three nights (weeks...whatever) for me. I just cannot get with it. I do ok during the day, except for my Starbucks runs (I don't want to talk about it) but then Harrison goes to bed and I eat everything in sight. It's bad.

I am STRUGGLING.

I have a million excuses too. First, it was that time of the month. So of course I needed some sugar, wine and carbs. Duh! It's just a few days, I'll get back on track. Ha. Yeah.

Then I had quite a few longer runs scheduled. Runners, you know what that means. I was ravenous those days. I ran ten miles, heck I can eat this extra dessert (or five), right??

And then there's my sweet, crazy, rambunctious 3 year old. I love him more than words can say. But oh my goodness this kid exhausts me. And he's been a little rougher than usual the past few days. It was torture putting him to bed last night. My husband had worship team practice then served cleaning the church afterwards. So that meant I was all alone. (I also don't do well alone...I'm needy. Sorry.) So what did I do? I watched Mean Girls and ate little Debbie cakes and drank a beer.

I'm not proud. If this had been the only night, sure whatever, brush it off, start again in the morning.

But I'm going on weeks here. And it's starting to show. In my gut.

Heard this saying before? It's true. And it's sad. Because we don't have to go through this alone. I made this choice to hide the poor decisions I was making for my health. I didn't exercise yesterday. I had a little pity party for myself, ate my 3 year old's desserts for his little party (which means another trip to the store...awesome), and now I'm paying for it. Here's the thing. I'm not only paying for it physically...

I'm paying for it emotionally.

You should hear the things I've been saying to myself. Hurtful things. Mean things. I've been pushing myself back into that lie. You know the lie. You say it to yourself. Society says it to you. 

You're fat.

You're ugly.

You don't look like (insert person of your choice who you THINK is better than you).

This is spilling over into other aspects of my life. Deeper than appearances. So much deeper.

You will never succeed.

What makes you think you deserve to be a top coach?

You're a bad mom.

You're a bad wife.

The house is a mess...again...way to go. Figures. You couldn't keep up.

I could keep going, but I'm not. I'm pissing myself off. 

NONE OF THAT IS TRUE!!!!

They're lies. And I refuse to believe them.

It's amazing how a few weeks of getting off track and poor planning on my part to take care of myself affects so many other areas of my life. Our health matters.

YOUR HEALTH MATTERS.

It's not just about how you look necessarily (though if you're like me...the way I feel about my physical appearance affects my moods!). It's about how you feel. When you feel strong and unstoppable every other area of your life is better for it. The little things don't get to you. You don't wake up in a bad mood and coming up with every excuse in the book to sleep 5 more minutes (which of course turns into 15). You wake up and you're ready. Ready for life. Embracing life. 

So today I'm choosing joy. I'm choosing happiness. I'm choosing to get back on track and reset myself. Today is the start of my comeback. Anyone else ready to make a comeback?

Deuces. 

(It's not going away...embrace it. Choose joy.)